Somethings to share

Somethings to share

Old Age

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied. 'Two years older than me.'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?'

--
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.' :D

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The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

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I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia, have poor circulation.
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

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I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour.
But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

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My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

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It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

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THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway
The good fortune to run into the ones I do
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

---;

Now we've heard that if we're good kids, Santa will come to us in the night of Christmas to deliver presents. And here we have a brilliant girl, obedient and polite. So when granny asked her for her list of what she wanted for Christmas, this was what followed

Dear Santa,

If it were possible, I would like
1) Mommy and Daddy and Doggy and me to be happy
2) Lots and lots of beautiful dollies to play with
3) A new bone for Doggy

Lots of love,
Christine.

P.S.
Santa, could you also please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer too? Thank you!

:D