Recovery.

Sometimes I'd wonder why,

Why the Earth spun round the Sun; I'd wonder why not the other way around, so everything would be played out in reverse, and hopefully, certain events wouldn't even transpire, certain wounds never opened.

Why certain animals breathed through their gills, why humans breathed through their lungs; why we couldn't just swim away, away from everything that mattered, anything that hurt. Why we had to face them eventually.

Why birds could fly, why we could only mimic them by means of giant steel birds, nothing else; over reasons for why we're grounded, why 'flight' in fight or flight's just for show, why escape was always impossible.

Why cold blooded creatures existed, and what would they do without the Sun, or without scapegoats; why certain people had to exist; many, many individuals that had to constantly add to the fear and the pain and the hate, why they just wouldn't go away, far away from your life.

Why life has to offer you at times, uplifting events, but also the ensuing unhappiness, the so called equivalent, of far from, trade off.

Why ultimately, you, and only you have to face all there is to face.

You look at others, whom seemingly appear, much more at ease, much more secure, much happier. And then you look at the state you are in, dejected, pained. But the tears won't flow. No, they just wont. And nope, haven't had that question answered. Nor would I, in a long time to come.

---

Numb, Linkin Park.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
Every step that I take is another mistake to you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know I may end up failing too
But I know You were just like me
With someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Tired of being what you want me to be'

The cut deep, real deep this time. 

Recovery's not in a long time

The Ups and Downs.

As they say, better late then never! ;D

There are the downs.
And the are the ups.
It doesn't take much to ruin one's day.
Neither does it take much for someone to brighten it up.
Thanks. (:

---

Let's hope we'll all do well this time! ;D

Counting down the moments.

This is just but the eye of the hurricane; the calm before the storm; the brief respite, before the final battle.

And so it ended.

Yet somehow, that very sense of elation, the heavyweight-lifted-off feeling, they don't come. Somehow..

The Preliminaries, if should be, is a thing of the past. A learning experience yes, but still something to be put behind. Pun unintended, it is but a part of yesterday, isn't it? This very post was intended to be, of cheer and gratitude. Then again, somehow it just doesn't come. Maybe its the weather, maybe it's the current playlist song, maybe it's just myself. Perhaps later then.

Looking forward to 3'o clock, buddy. Let's hope the weather holds. (:

--

 死不了就还好.

The Statistical Achilles.

To the naive boy who thought that hardwork was everything, wrong.
To the naive boy who thought that efforts would reap results, wrong.
To the naive boy who thought that prayers would be answered, wrong.

It is what it is.
What is yours is yours.
There's no changing it.

The More, The Merrier. Time.

'I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar.' - Robert Brault

Time, or in essence, the lack of it. 

I'd burnt of much a good time of the day. Of accomplishing nothing academically.

Many a time we'd wish life was as simple as a Nintendo game. You load the gamepack, turn on the power, resume your saved game. Of course, similar to the context control over your character or avatar still remains, yet the only thing, one doesn't get anymore of the opportunity when forced into a corner, to turn off the power, reload the saved file and resume where left off. How we wish that were possible. The things we'd done..

Today was the first in 2 weeks I'd went to visit my grandmother. 

Hospital, home; home, hospital, home. It'd taken a toll, clearly obvious. Cancer, gnawing away at the heart, and the body, the virulent progress in the body of a person, the wake of its destruction clear. Tomorrow, the day after, the next week. Even the doctors could put a finger as to how long more. And as we chatted she would often smile, aware of her debilitating condition, already at its terminal stages, yet not wanting to let up. Her eyes however give it all away. Frail as she was, shriveled and worn out from the arduous battle with cancer we managed a form of talk over take away dinner, albeit peppered with repetitions in speech time and time again from the lucidity in the mind time deprives from one. Aye, memory lapses. Life, its a painful thing at times. Age really does leave its mark on a person. The lines, the dulled reactions, problems that come with it. How many chances does it require before one realizes the value of those around him?

Is it really necessary to have one face the music before he awakes to his reality?

Is it a must for one to be staring death or disease in his eye before he comprehends the essence of "cherish"?

Perhaps so. 

We often miss out the little occurrences. We take for granted things that happen. Throw behind our values for our selfish desires. Until its already too late.

Academics? I'm entrenched up to the knees in the floodwaters. Yet, I know I'd not regret this time spent today. It makes us really wonder: what have we traded off in life, for our frenetic pursuits of success and riches?

---

Paid in Full

A young man was getting ready to graduate college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted. 

As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning  of his graduation his father called him into his private study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and  told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautiful wrapped gift box.
 

Curious, but somewhat disappointed the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible. Angrily, he raised his voice at his father and said, "With all your money you give  me  a Bible?" and stormed out of the house, leaving the holy
book.
 

Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since that graduation day. Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care things. When he arrived at  his father's house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart.

 He began to search his father's important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With tears,  he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. As he read those words, a car key dropped from an envelope taped behind the Bible. It  had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the sports  car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words...PAID IN FULL.
 

How many times do we not cherish our blessings because they are not packaged as we expected? 

Not too distant future.

A little more luck than a little bit.

This is my speech.
Dear you,
Time is a blanket. It changes the way people feel about things.
Time is a new layer. It changes the way people remember things.
Time is a fog. It changes the way people see things.
Time is also a reminder. That somewhere/sometime back where we turned, there is a you that still feels the same. So please pardon me. I will take awhile to travel back to find you. Plus the pieces of my heart I left in your bag.
Please be patient.
Thank you. I love you.

Read it off a site my friend linked me to.
Time, it really does change the way things are, doesn't it.
How we perceive an individual, how we perceive events, how things change.
One things for sure, the road's gonna be a whole lot more bumpy here onwards. Studies. ):

2 months and a bit, just a little more, and we'll be out of this.

Carpe Diem.

Reach out for the sun, o dear sunflower. Shine. ;D


-Preliminaries-
I can't say I'm well prepared.
I can't ensure that I'll do well.
But I'll try my best.