#6.39, Shift.

Unwritten, unspoken, unexpressed.

Coffee without sugar;
Music without lyrics;
Words without meaning;
Human without being.

A beating heart without feeling.

---

Today is the last day.
And after today.. (;

December 25th

 Because last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away;

Happy Christmas;

---

Last Christmas - Glee Cast

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance, but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby, do you recognize me?
Well it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me
Happy Christmas

I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying 'I love you', I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now, I know you'd fool me again

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Special
Yea yea

A crowded room, friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you, and your soul of ice
I thought you were someone to rely on
Me, I guess I was a shoulder to cry on

A friend to discover with a fire in her heart
A man under cover but you tore me apart
Now I've found a real love, you'll never fool me again

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

I'll give it to someone special

Hello you, hello me.

Reflections. Of who we are to ourselves, and to others.

Hello you, hello me. Hello stranger. Ever wondered how certain events could leave you thinking. And too, that how sometimes we dearly wish that certain things didn't have to happen the way it did, or not at all. Just because looking back at history is too painful. 

---

Because we all deserve to have a good laugh ;D
Taken from a relative!

Old Beng was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbour, Lau Hero, came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

He opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into his house.

A little later he came out of his house again, looking nervous, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again.

Angrily, back into the house he went. As Old Beng was getting ready to edge the lawn, here our Lau Hero came again, looking very heated up. He marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it shut harder than ever.

Puzzled by his actions, Old Beng asked Lau Hero, "Is something wrong?"

 To which the ferocious Lau Hero replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!"

=====

Old Beng caught his friend Lau Hero searching high and low all around his living room.

Old Beng: "What are you searching for?"

Lau Hero: "Hidden cameras!"

Old Beng: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?"

Lau Hero: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching the Star World channel'. How does he know that?"

=====

Having lost his donkey, Lau Hero, got down to his knees and started thanking God.

Old Beng saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for?"

Lau Hero replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."

=====
 Lau Hero is appearing for his University final examination.

He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window.

He then removes his tie and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.

The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.

"Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," Lau Hero says, " it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief'."

=====

Old Beng and Lau Hero were sitting outside a clinic.

Old Beng was crying like hell.

So Lau Hero asked, "Why are you crying?"

Old Beng replied, "I came here for blood test"

Lau Hero, "So? Are you afraid?"

Old Beng replied, " No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger"

Hearing this Lau Hero started crying.

Old Beng was astonished and asked Lau Hero, "Why are you crying?"
 Lau Hero replied, "I have come for my urine test."

=====

Lau Hero goes to a hotel and eats heartily.
 After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.

The manager comes running and asks him, "Mister, what are you doing?"
 To this Lau Hero replies,"Oye, see the board here, " Wash Basin ".

===

The Boy Who Skived.



Was actually, till we arrived at hundred percent humidity & two hundred percent reality.

Never had so much fun in a week.
But as they say, all good things come to an end, doesn't it?

Nothing lasts forever, save for fleeting memories.
I expected to be tired after the flight.
I was.
Yet after a warm bath sleep didn't come easy despite the severe lack of it in the previous few days. We've done awesome things. Laudable, amusing, ridiculous, hilarious, stupid, corny, cheesy. And we've done some things that we wouldn't want everyone to know, havn't we. For instance fooling around, throwing signs down the stairs probably-.- Hahah. Yet it feels alright. We all do stupid things around friends, and we just want to have a blast of a time this last week together.

I'm glad we've had the chance to get to know another.
I'm glad we've spent these 2 years this way. Wouldn't have wanted more.
I'm glad, that whilst hearing the laments of others, I've had a really great bunch of acquaintances that I can call friends.
I guess it's really adios this time. Goodbye, and let's keep in touch, s7E. (:

Skiving is a sin. Oops. ;D
---

How's teckong, buddy?

Let's take five.

Guess it's it for now. Have fun, don't miss me too much. (:

Btw the card's valid for a week from purchase. But aww you won't get to use it anyway. 'cause its 3 weeks overdue. Hahha.

Wish The Impossible.

We'd had great times. But there's more to come.

There are certain things we wished that didn't happen. Thus we pretend they didn't, and hope by doing so it eases the pain or guilt felt. There are certain things that have happened. We wished they did, and we put in in the vault named "good memories" in our massive brain archives, free to view when wanted to. But alas the good doesn't last, and the bad they don't just go away, and my do they hurt. But life's too short for the bad, so let us only hear the good stuff ;D

7am, 3pm.
Well there's always a first.
Though sometimes you'd wonder how people get themselves high.
I woke up, and got back to facing reality again. Gee, enjoyable, much.

---

Today perhaps I'll wish for but the simplest, for all the un-lived fantasies.

ID Please?

If everything was nothing but just a piece of cake.

'Babies don't stare. They don't judge. They don't cringe, but just give you their unconditional love. That's what I like about them.' 

Nothing To Fear - Karen Rose.

5/12
Dear Diary,

We store every bit of our emotions. Bottle them up. Drown them in our sorrows. And one day, we implode. Sometimes I feel world really, really needs 2 way traffic. One already existent, the bridge between the outside world to the heart; and the missing one, another the route from our hearts to the foreign environment around us. If you were human, I'd imagine you'd revolt, or cause an uprising. If diaries in general had emotions, if they could communicate with another, I'm sure they'd had a good laugh at all the trivial yet important event to us. That which probably wouldn't even matter years down the road. Thanks for listening these years.

And here's to you for saying I don't share. ;D
--

And even Superman had Lois Lane.
Nothing but good old songs. The best.
Where Is The Love? - Black Eyed Peas

Before the credits start rolling.

Mischief managed.
And it's this mischief, this long drawn battle, that we're left mentally drained, emotionally fatigued. But for no longer. No more (:

Many things unsaid
Many things undone
Many things unwanted
Many things unfound
Many things had happened.

But I'm tired. For now, sleep. Maybe later, maybe later.

---

Here it is, anyway. (:
Lesley Roy - Unbeautiful.

People of the Rain.

Rain shooting (:

This post would probably be inspired by a trip to the pool, in the midst of the most crucial exam in our lives thus far. And perhaps certain events that have transpired, certain conversations that have prompted me to evaluate the things I believe in and stand for.

---

I would like relish in the overly simplistic and childishly idealistic dream of mine if I could.

That this world doesn’t contain goodbyes, just an ‘I’ll see you again later.’ I really do. Yet I can’t. For it is this very pragmatism and moving force that drives us, as the Big Friendly Giant said in Road Dahl’s BFG, human beans. We’re human, and at time we’re beans. Consumed by the moment, never perfect but always possess a soft spot or two for the things close to us. And it is perhaps this soft spot that I’d be writing this.

A friend. What some might call a close companion, others, an acquaintance. To some, people to pour their woes upon, share their delights with, to another, a source of inspiration, a driving force.

I’ve made loads of acquaintances over the years. And as we enter yet the next phase of our lives, even our closest friends become less close, best friends might just drift apart to find newer ones. And it is really something to bemoan, for one might argue, why befriend if we were to part eventually? Or the cliché statement, why love if you’re not loved back, or if it turns its back against you at the end? I’ve a friend whose statement I found really true, that as we age, friendship never is as simple a word as it would be when we were younger. Think exploitation, selfish gains and vested interests. Man, and his darker nature. 

But yet I do not fully agree with this statement. Yes, interests do come into play. But doesn’t character, background, appearance, status all come into play as well? We can befriend, just purely for the simple sake of making an acquaintance, a friend, no? To laugh together while we’re feeling happy, or to come together to share our sorrows, just to be there for the other. What makes one a good friend. What makes one not? There isn’t really a concrete answer to the question, rather, the individuals perspective.

I could think that at times people are easily swayed. Be it by the seductive words of persuasion, or the hunger for personal gain, or the altruistic pursuit of happiness. But then again, as we look at the most extreme of cases, why is it justifiable in the individual’s standpoint that one commits foolish acts against the most logical pathways of thought? Could anyone explain how one would be willing to go the extra mile for a close friend? Go against one’s principles to keep a friendship strong? Or how an individual could be ruined by the presence of the wrong company? I can’t, to start.

But it is more the belief of the individual, I think. I would like to believe that I treasure my companions, if possible, look out for those around myself. The closer of friends, at least. And yes, at times I do berate myself for being too attached and allowing my emotions to take over. To think of the well-being others when I should care more for myself.  I’ve been told. But it won’t change, not in the near future. Friends, I believe are the next best thing closest to family. A salve to the wounds that life may inflict, a firm arm to help one to his feet, a source of inspiration, and a companion. And this is what I believe in. 

Yeah, BFG, yeah. We’re beans at times. Unable to process our thoughts, dumb and wide open to hurt. But that is what in essence makes us human.

This rain filled morn'

People. Mirrored reflections of the other. 

Seemingly alike, yet starkly different.

---

Rain, thunder, tear asunder. The Earth weeps.

For the things that could and would but were never meant to be.

2 kids and a dslr.

Something done, over and over again. Also known as a routine.

Today was surreal.
Other than the fact that I was mosquito fodder, besides the darn bites on my arms and that walking was a chore and butterfly was impossible with the sprain, I'm a happy boy today. Heh. 11 days, friend, 11. But I'm not complaining. Today was great.

 

70c.
It's become a routine that we share,  hasn't it? ;D
7tenths the swimming pool entry.
350percent the amount we pay for locker rentals.
120c, a good 120c well spent, if we were to count a second for a cent.Yeah?

Seventy cents. It's the price of a cup of grass jelly drink. Refills, anyone? (:

---
I want to photograph these beautiful memories that I have, pen down these come-and-go thoughts, live in the moment, and delight in it.

Transpiration: The 2 Longest Weeks.

To the lost little boy trying to find directions and meaning to life: May you find it soon.

---

 

It's been a good few days of breaks. And to think of, it's history. Most of it, anyway. I'm not complaining, haha. But yet I'm not feeling what I feel I'm supposed to feel. Just emptiness. A good sort of emptiness though. (: Perhaps it'll come in time. But in the midst of this very longest period of time, it dawned upon me, how change is always, and always would be a constant. Events, things, people, emotions. They change. 

That if we were to look back after a good period of say, 5 years, everything in the past wouldn't matter. True it is, if we were to spend a moment to think. Heated arguments dissipate, tensions deflate, unpleasantness put behind. What time does..

If I were to look back just barely a few years back, I'd probably have a narrower view on certain matters. That actually, effort equated reward. That this is a meritocratic world. That if one were to put in his best, put in his time, put in his heart, one will as the saying goes, reap what he sows. Yet as we've progress, that very view that I'd clung onto in the past has yet proven itself to be a myopic one. No longer is the validity of the so called principle of equivalent exchange. No, we live in an unfair world. We've to live with that. Some get it easy, they do not worry over mere trivialities while others do; some go scott-free for their mistakes, others face the music. It's a dog eat dog world. Pragmatism triumphs, selflessness unappreciated. And we can't change it. 

I do remember having conversations with a junior at the start of the year. I was asked on my view, whether I thought that everyone was born equal. Equal in intellect, equal in opportunities. I gave a yes at the time, everyone starts on an equal footing; after all we come into this world with naught to our names. We've equal developing opportunities. That hey, all is fair. I take that back. Perhaps I wasn't sensible. Perhaps I didn't want to face that very fact. That we don't actually get what we desire. We're don't, and we've to live with it. To be contented with what we currently possess, be satisfied with our achievements, be happy for and with the people around us, whether they get to know of it or not. Yeah, to learn to be happy.

But yet sometimes, just maybe sometimes, what if we're scared that if we allow ourselves to be happy for even one moment, the world's going to come crashing down and we won't be able to survive it? Should we continue to put up that all-time-cheery facade?

I havn't an answer.

---

Somehow I've been hearing alot of this particular song. 

Shuffle, select or playlist. And somehow, I'm getting to like it. :):

'Cause when a heart breaks no it don’t break even.'

-The Script, Breakeven.

!@#$%^&*

T'was just you and me. We partaayyed 'cross the field, waltz through the mud.
Till we got caught. Let's do it again the next time, haha.

"We are all at our cores the sum of our fears. To face destiny we must, inevitably, face those fears, and conquer them. Whether they come from the familiar or the unknown."


Whether local, or Cambridge.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. (For the next month, at least) Hahah ;D
Till then, till then.


---
Dave Barnes - When a heart breaks


No one ever told me
It would come to this
What began with such a promise
Would end with such a twist
I lean into the whisper
But I don't hear a thing

It's a tear in the dark
All alone in the car
In pieces, pieces
It's the sound of mistake
As I'm lying awake and
Sleepless, sleepless

This is the sound that's made
When a heart breaks

Everybody's laughing
Maybe that's just me
Does something unrequited
Mean it will never be
I lean into the whisper
But I don't hear a thing

It's a tear in the dark
All alone in the car
In pieces, pieces
It's the sound of mistake
As I'm lying awake and
Sleepless, sleepless

This is the sound that's made...

Please don't leave me here
Please don't leave me here
Please don't leave me here
Please don't leave me here

Life, for now, I've come to fear
You've dropped me off and left me here
With nothing here to find my way
But the light you take as you pull away

Far ahead the brush is moving
There's others here and good still proving
Nothing's wrong, it's in my mind
Nothing's wrong and I'll be fine

It's a tear in the dark
All alone in the car
In pieces, pieces
It's the sound of mistake
As I'm lying awake and
Sleepless, sleepless

This is the sound that's made
When a heart breaks

Life as a freeloader - The Picture Journal.

When one ventures into uncharted waters.

When staring into space, reflecting.

When travelling, always a pleasure. Or not.

When study's on the mind.

Leisure - Creme de la creme. (Y)

When it's already the last few lessons.

When you get an unexpected gift. (:

When you get an invitation, to which: of course! ;D

When you spend the Halloween alone.

When you find, that hey, mornin's a brand new day, as you see it from the view out in the bus.

It's a period of roadworks. Like how we're reworking our emotions; how we're patching up our heart.

It's a crazy three weeks. If I'd pick up a new hobby, you'd better loan me that camera, you hear me. (:

Sigh. I miss the sounds of the train, the hum of the highway late in the night, being home. Living on your own. You have for one, freedom. Freedom beyond expression. No one's there to exert pressure on you. Limits off, restrictions removed. You're your own check and balance. Your own conscience. Yet the onus is upon yourself. To fulfill your own responsibilities. And I'd like to thank a few people whom have been my ears these weeks. Whom I've spent time talking to. Opened up to. Thanks. (:

May I have the strength to see through this month.

---


Jason Walker - Down.

I don't know where I'm at
I'm standing at the back
and I'm tired of waiting

Waiting here in line
hoping that I'll find
what I've been chasing

I shot for the sky
I'm stuck on the ground
so why do I try
I know I'm gonna fall down
I thought I could fly
so why did I drown
I'll never know why it's coming down down down

Not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
What I could be missing

But I'm missing way to much
so when do I give up
what I've been wishing for

I shot for the sky
I'm stuck on the ground
so why do I try
I know I'm gonna fall down
I thought I could fly
so why did I drown
I'll never know why it's coming down down down

Oh I am going down down down
Can't find another way around
and I don't wanna hear the sound
of losing what I never found

I shot for the sky
I'm stuck on the ground
so why do I try
I know I'm gonna fall down
I thought I could fly
so why did I drown
I'll never know why it's coming down down down

I shot for the sky
I'm stuck on the ground
so why do I try
I know I'm gonna fall down
I thought I could fly
so why did I drown
Oh it's coming down down down

It's it for now!

I hereby promise that I shall from today onwards study my very hardest so as to get my As.

OP had a '3D2Y', I'll pull of a 3D2M, or so I hope. Good luck, my fellow friends. Let's, crudely put, mug our asses off to great results. ;D

Till then, till then!
-Indefinite break- (:
---

Sparks.

I love quotes, hahah. (:

We all imagine ourselves the agents of our destiny, capable of determining our own fate. But have we truly any choice in when we rise, or when we fall? Or does a force larger than ourselves bid us our direction? Is it evolution that takes us by the hand? Does science point our way, or is it God who intervenes, Keeping us safe?For all his bluster, it is a sad province of man that he cannot choose his trials. He can only choose how he will stand when the call of destiny comes, hoping that he’ll have the courage to answer.

---

Give me one more month, and I'll promise you an answer.
One more month, when we're unburdened, we'll see where it goes.
Alright? (:

Losing grip.

Evolution is an imperfect and often violent process. Morality loses its meaning; the question of good and evil, reduced to one simple choice. Survive, or perish? 

---

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, 'cause I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now..

Hostage.

Where does it come from—this quest, this need to solve life's mysteries when the simplest of questions can never be answered? Why are we here? What is the soul? Why do we dream? Perhaps we'd be better off not looking at all. Not delving, not yearning. But that's not human nature. Not the human heart. That is not why we are here.

---

We're hostages of our own lives. Held at gunpoint, against our free will. Some may contend, all of the time. Our actions, our every movement; directed by forces impossible to comprehend, for a cause beyond our control. Yet in this very situation, in this very circumstance, people act differently. Different in the choices they choose execute, paths they take to follow, eventual results obtained.

Some, choose the easy way out. To which they claim is the solution to all worries. Well, truth be told, one could not be denied the logic should one opt to end a life, that all ensuing problems be removed -- but at what expense? Your very existence, the impact to those very close, and at some extent, the people around. Not to mention everything and anything that you're gifted with, and the possible greatness laid out for you, waiting for you to achieve. All ended at that very moment, snuffed out at that very instant one chooses 'out'. The bucket, off the building, a speeding car, anything. Anyway 'out'.

Some however, choose the hard way. To fight on. To climb out of the quicksand pit, free themselves of the quagmire, unchain themselves from their worries. They do it, at times not alone, but with the help of others.

You my friend, I believe, do not deserve such. Yes, undeniably everyone has their problems. Everyone has their worries. Myself included. And it is sadly only after a culmination of these problems, an aggregation of all our woes and worries that has ignited that very evil thought - 'out'. I believe problems eventually, can be solved. With sufficient help, with sufficient faith in your abilities. Of solving them, of facing your troubles bravely. If you would just stop to ponder, stop to observe, you'll see many, many, people willing to extend a helping hand, or a listening ear. Open to share your troubles with, walk this bumpy road out with you. If you'd only allow them in..

Things change, people change. And if we were not to let them go at times, we'd not only allow ourselves to sway and topple, but to be swept over by these very things we believed in initially. It is very hard, very, to let something close go. But it is not impossible. Wounds do, heal over time. Believe me on that. The rainbow still stands after the rain, the sun still shines, the Earth still goes on. Everything goes on, every ebb, every flow. So do we. Sometimes it is not 'whether we want to or not', but rather, 'we have to'. Such is life, we don't have a choice. But the very thing that defines us, is not how we give up easily. Be resilient in the face of every adversity. You can do it.

I believe that under that facade, under all that sorrow, there is hope.
That that there is someone there, willing to accept the help that is around.
So please, drop that evil thought, and be who you are supposed to be, an individual of greatness. Cower not, but stand firm. We're always around to help. Remember that.


I know it's tiring to continue facing this. But I've hope in you, remember that. Where all else fails, you would at the very least, still have this friend here to rely on. Remember that. I can't possibly do everything, the least you know I'd to, is you hear you out. Anytime. So don't ever, ever give up.

---
Probably you'll find some sense in this song, my friend. Have hope, 'cause not all is lost.

Meant to live - Switchfoot

Fumbling his confidence
And wond’ring why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he’s meant for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we’ve been livin' with our eyes half open
Maybe we’re bent and broken, broken

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

We want more than this world’s got to offer
We want more than this world’s got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live

#200. Heroes of our own lives.

Strength to persevere and endure, in the midst of overwhelming obstacles, in the face of adversity. To not be undefeated, but instead, undaunted. Be it for an hour, a day, a week, a lifetime. The hero of your own life. You.

We dream of hope, we dream of change, of fire, of love, of death. And then it happens; the dream becomes real, and the answer to this quest, this need to solve life's mysteries finally shows itself like the glowing light of the new dawn. So much struggle for meaning, for purpose. And in the end, we find it only in each other. Our shared experience of the fantastic and the mundane. The simple human need to find a kindred. To connect. And to know in our hearts... that we are not alone. -Heroes.

---

Hayden Panettiere
- My Hero Is You

You know I try to be
All that I can
But there's a part of me
I still don't understand

Why do I only see
What I don't have
When my reality
Its things are not that bad

Your faith has shown me that

When my world goes crazy
You won't let go
When the ground gets shaky
You give me hope
When I try to push you away
You never move, yeah

Now when I start doubting and
You help me see
There's a strength, and a mind, and a power in me
Oh believe me there ain't nothing I can't do
My hero is you, yeah
My hero is you

One after another.

When it rains, it pours.
Weather's fine though. (:
Let's hope it'll keep up.

Can't say I'm satisfied with current status.
Could've done worse, could've done better.
But. Improvements are always gladly received.
It ain't economical to worry too much on the unknown.
Let live, let it be.

---

Never explain yourself to anyone. Because the person who likes you doesn't need it, and the person who dislikes you won't believe it. Quaint, isn't it?

Meaning.

If I may say, 
That the troubles would be worth it, if I could see your smile at the end of the day (:

Life Still Has A Meaning

If there is a future there is time for mending-

Time to see your troubles coming to an ending.

Life is never hopeless however great your sorrow-

If you're looking forward to a new tomorrow.

If there is time for wishing then there is time for hoping-

When through doubt and darkness you are blindly groping.

Though the heart be heavy and hurt you may be feeling-

If there is time for praying there is time for healing.

So if through your window there is a new day breaking-

Thank God for the promise, though mind and soul be aching,

If with harvest over there is grain enough for gleaning-

There is a new tomorrow and life still has meaning.

---

Recovery.

Sometimes I'd wonder why,

Why the Earth spun round the Sun; I'd wonder why not the other way around, so everything would be played out in reverse, and hopefully, certain events wouldn't even transpire, certain wounds never opened.

Why certain animals breathed through their gills, why humans breathed through their lungs; why we couldn't just swim away, away from everything that mattered, anything that hurt. Why we had to face them eventually.

Why birds could fly, why we could only mimic them by means of giant steel birds, nothing else; over reasons for why we're grounded, why 'flight' in fight or flight's just for show, why escape was always impossible.

Why cold blooded creatures existed, and what would they do without the Sun, or without scapegoats; why certain people had to exist; many, many individuals that had to constantly add to the fear and the pain and the hate, why they just wouldn't go away, far away from your life.

Why life has to offer you at times, uplifting events, but also the ensuing unhappiness, the so called equivalent, of far from, trade off.

Why ultimately, you, and only you have to face all there is to face.

You look at others, whom seemingly appear, much more at ease, much more secure, much happier. And then you look at the state you are in, dejected, pained. But the tears won't flow. No, they just wont. And nope, haven't had that question answered. Nor would I, in a long time to come.

---

Numb, Linkin Park.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
Every step that I take is another mistake to you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know I may end up failing too
But I know You were just like me
With someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Tired of being what you want me to be'

The cut deep, real deep this time. 

Recovery's not in a long time

The Ups and Downs.

As they say, better late then never! ;D

There are the downs.
And the are the ups.
It doesn't take much to ruin one's day.
Neither does it take much for someone to brighten it up.
Thanks. (:

---

Let's hope we'll all do well this time! ;D

Counting down the moments.

This is just but the eye of the hurricane; the calm before the storm; the brief respite, before the final battle.

And so it ended.

Yet somehow, that very sense of elation, the heavyweight-lifted-off feeling, they don't come. Somehow..

The Preliminaries, if should be, is a thing of the past. A learning experience yes, but still something to be put behind. Pun unintended, it is but a part of yesterday, isn't it? This very post was intended to be, of cheer and gratitude. Then again, somehow it just doesn't come. Maybe its the weather, maybe it's the current playlist song, maybe it's just myself. Perhaps later then.

Looking forward to 3'o clock, buddy. Let's hope the weather holds. (:

--

 死不了就还好.

The Statistical Achilles.

To the naive boy who thought that hardwork was everything, wrong.
To the naive boy who thought that efforts would reap results, wrong.
To the naive boy who thought that prayers would be answered, wrong.

It is what it is.
What is yours is yours.
There's no changing it.

The More, The Merrier. Time.

'I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar.' - Robert Brault

Time, or in essence, the lack of it. 

I'd burnt of much a good time of the day. Of accomplishing nothing academically.

Many a time we'd wish life was as simple as a Nintendo game. You load the gamepack, turn on the power, resume your saved game. Of course, similar to the context control over your character or avatar still remains, yet the only thing, one doesn't get anymore of the opportunity when forced into a corner, to turn off the power, reload the saved file and resume where left off. How we wish that were possible. The things we'd done..

Today was the first in 2 weeks I'd went to visit my grandmother. 

Hospital, home; home, hospital, home. It'd taken a toll, clearly obvious. Cancer, gnawing away at the heart, and the body, the virulent progress in the body of a person, the wake of its destruction clear. Tomorrow, the day after, the next week. Even the doctors could put a finger as to how long more. And as we chatted she would often smile, aware of her debilitating condition, already at its terminal stages, yet not wanting to let up. Her eyes however give it all away. Frail as she was, shriveled and worn out from the arduous battle with cancer we managed a form of talk over take away dinner, albeit peppered with repetitions in speech time and time again from the lucidity in the mind time deprives from one. Aye, memory lapses. Life, its a painful thing at times. Age really does leave its mark on a person. The lines, the dulled reactions, problems that come with it. How many chances does it require before one realizes the value of those around him?

Is it really necessary to have one face the music before he awakes to his reality?

Is it a must for one to be staring death or disease in his eye before he comprehends the essence of "cherish"?

Perhaps so. 

We often miss out the little occurrences. We take for granted things that happen. Throw behind our values for our selfish desires. Until its already too late.

Academics? I'm entrenched up to the knees in the floodwaters. Yet, I know I'd not regret this time spent today. It makes us really wonder: what have we traded off in life, for our frenetic pursuits of success and riches?

---

Paid in Full

A young man was getting ready to graduate college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted. 

As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning  of his graduation his father called him into his private study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and  told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautiful wrapped gift box.
 

Curious, but somewhat disappointed the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible. Angrily, he raised his voice at his father and said, "With all your money you give  me  a Bible?" and stormed out of the house, leaving the holy
book.
 

Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since that graduation day. Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care things. When he arrived at  his father's house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart.

 He began to search his father's important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With tears,  he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. As he read those words, a car key dropped from an envelope taped behind the Bible. It  had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the sports  car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words...PAID IN FULL.
 

How many times do we not cherish our blessings because they are not packaged as we expected?